There are a lot of things. Fun, happy posts are coming soon, both from wonderful words, beautiful weddings, and some random crazy events that filled the gaps of my last few weeks. But before I get there, I have to pause and get out a little something that’s been brewing and causing some distraction. I usually avoid taking public stances on wedding world politics because it’s not useful and it’s likely to offend someone. Views vary and so do contexts, and I’m aware that my past, present and future clients all fall somewhere on a spectrum. I love diversity. What I don’t love is missing the point.
When I got married in 2006, “details” weren’t really a thing- at least not to a grad student in Western Australia. I knew I wanted dahlias in the coffee jars my father in law collected, and I insisted my chairs were covered in black cloth. We hand made cds for favors and I abused the printers at work to hack together my invitations. It was fun. We were relatively broke and as much as I love attention, we didn’t want to make it a huge thing. We invited ten people to the beach and then had a fancy dinner with 60 friends. I’d probably do it differently now, but I also wouldn’t take any of it back.

(our first dance)
I’ve photographed 19 weddings in the last 12 months. I’ve seen some amazing things, been around the most inspiring people, and worked with a variety of vendors. Almost 100% of the time, these have been enriching experiences. However, I recently photographed a wedding that changed this for me, and made me gasp, rant, and pace my home in anger. I was played by some planners who forgot that the wedding isn’t just about the details (fed I’m sure by the wedding-blog* industry’s obsesssssssion with details details details), that it’s actually about People and well, marriage.
Happy to receive a super detailed timeline, my (awesome, talented, I’m lucky to have had her) second shooter and I had no problem figuring out where we had to be and when. We should have figured it out sooner, but half way through the ceremony I was stopped by Planner who wanted to tell me what magazines she was published in and let me know about the shots my assistant was able to get of her setup. During the ceremony.
Little bits started to make sense, but eventually at the reception where my second shooter had been shooting “details” for over an hour before guests arrived, Planner asked me when she’d be receiving her cd of the images. ? She was a little horrified when I told her that I would not be sending her a cd. After five minutes of astonishing, you must be kidding me lady conversation where she insisted that she needed access to the photos and soon, I realized that we had been used by them as their advertising photographers, taking away from some pretty special moments when I could have had my Second where she really needed to be.
The couple were amazing and despite some things happening imperfectly, kept their heads and had the greatest time. I switched between being impressed by their ability to keep it cool, wanting to shield them from the craziness of Planner (whose only job IMO was really to make sure they were shielded from craziness), and the wrath I felt for Planner and her audacity.
I tell couples all the time that things go wrong at weddings, no matter how perfectly planned. Our ipod playlist semi-failed, I missed my hair appointment and the salon was less than sympathetic when learning that I lied about the ‘dance’ I was going to to avoid paying wedding prices. A fight the week of the wedding meant I never spoke to two bridesmaids again. But when I look back to the details of our wedding, I don’t think about those things, or about my chair covers (do they even have those anymore?) as serious as they seemed. I think about how fortunate I was to have spent time with Lindsay who traveled from the US and died suddenly five years later. I think about dancing my heart out and the color of my feet at the end of the night. I think about the wind in our faces and our friend playing guitar, of signing our license on our other friend’s back. My clients will remember the gorgeous speeches and the loving embraces. Not the extra extra something Planner added to the tables. It’s about the people, people. Celebrations are sometimes productions, but what’s an opera without the singers?
Sing. Enjoy the music. Hire people who have your best interests at heart and do what they do because they love it- not because they’re looking to use you as a prop in their production. And if you find yourself with production planners, at least suggest that they pay you to model for them.
(oh, and PS planners and venues: When a photographer says they’d like to eat at the same time as guests, it’s not because they’re being pushy. It’s because photos of eating aren’t attractive and missing the fun after dinner isn’t ideal for anyone. Also, cold, sparse leftover platters don’t make for happy photographers. Our clients would be appaled if they knew what “vendor meals” sometimes consist of, and that you wanted us to miss sunset because that’s when guests were done being served.)
*obvious exception being A Practical Wedding, who provide the context to pull you out of such wedding insanity.